Ahmadine – just kill yourself already

Ahmadinejad, the world’s favorite leader, made it very clear to Larry King last week that he really has no power, just likes to talk, and wishes people liked him more. Well, come on, Ahma-douche bag, you’re not an easy guy to like. Let’s re-cap your tenure: Israel should be wiped from the face of the Earth, we deserve nukes, George Bush is the devil (closest to a rational statement I’ve seen from him), and, oh yea, the holocaust never happened.

It’s not surprising we give him the undeserved attention though. Some greaser known only as “The Situation” is now the highest paid reality TV sta– *ahmm* personality because he coined the term “DTF.”

What is our interest in giving so much attention to so many worthless people?

Osama Bin Laden: He records videos in a cave and FedEx’s them to the FBI. Yea, yea, we get it guy, death to America, Allah willing, praise be to Mohammed. Look, from what I’ve read of the Qur’an, Mohammed was a kind of messed up dude. But then again, anybody who thinks they talk to an imaginary friend in the sky has some issues.

Paris Hilton: How many times can you hear “sex tape” and “possession of cocaine” before you google the bitch’s address, break in midday (the only time you can be sure she’s home and asleep), and strangle her with her own Prada?

Every 1st round draft pick, ever: Look, if you want your players to actually play, stop giving 22 year old guys 50 million bones before they even step out on the field. Maybe they should have to do like every other reasonable human and actually work for their money. But you give a kid who can’t even legally rent a car millions of dollars, you might expect a lot of apologies after being seen at the club.

So I close with this; If you want Ahmadinefragilistic to go away, stop putting him on TV. It’s fairly simple. Make him not matter. Or, next time he visits our lovely nation, give him a cyanide smoothie. I’m not saying I condone murder, but foreigners aren’t real people.

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One Response to Ahmadine – just kill yourself already

  1. Jaclyn A says:

    Hilarious!!! I love it. It all makes complete sense too. Your last sentence made me laugh out loud. Awesome job!

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