Give us your tired, your poor, your huddled masses… so long as they like our figureheads

Apparently freedom of speech, like the bulk of our temporary privileges more often called freedoms, only extend to those with a social security number.

According to, a news source begging for blind trust, a British teenager has been banned from the United States for life after drunk texting (alright, drunk e-mailing) the Prez and calling him a “prick.”

Come on! Obama is America’s first non-white president, came from humble beginnings, and wore what could be called the world’s largest ‘fro in high school. He CANNOT be that sensitive. Sure, the story says it was the FBI that reacted and called for the ban, but I’m fairly certain the FBI answers to… *ahem* THE FRICKIN’ PRESIDENT!

Though this story is mildly amusing, the truly eyebrow-raising note in the story is there are, in fact, around 60 reasons a person can be banned from the U.S. Let’s explore…

….And as I suspected, Google will not offer explanation as to why individuals are banned from the U.S. However, a man by the name of Tariq Ramadan explains that he has been consistently banned since 2004.

Apparently after several lawsuits on his behalf by organizations such as the ACLU, the State Department acknowledged he was banned for making financial contributions to an aid organization between ’98 – ’02, yet that lovely group was not blacklisted by the U.S. ’til ’03.

So apparently the U.S. bans you for not being able to predict the future.

I suspect if I ever found that list of 60 things for which the U.S. will determine it doesn’t like you, it would be topped by “trying to steal me lucky charms,” “owning a unicycle,” and “imagining ideas that don’t exist.”

Seeing as I’m already here I have the right to say these things, but in the time I’ve done so the government has searched all my e-mails, replaced my apple juice with strychnine, and sent my wife unsavory bathroom footage of myself tapping my foot in a unique way from within a bathroom stall. So long, Uncle Sam. Privet Stvovat, Uncle Stalin!

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One Response to Give us your tired, your poor, your huddled masses… so long as they like our figureheads

  1. Nichole Naoum says:

    I must say I really enjoyed reading your posts. I thought your use of “infotainment-style” language was very refreshing and really appeals to your audience, especially your student readers. I like the sarcastic undertone and political humor, and the occasional swear word- nice touch. I especially liked the post where you discussed how much we talk about people in the U.S. who are unworthy of such attention, whether it be positive or negative. It was a more subtle way of giving the finger to the Ahmedinejads, “The Situations,” and the Paris Hiltons of the world. Awesome job! Keep it up!

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